Didnt manage to sleep until 5.30am.
Alot of things to do. Or rather, need to help other people solve some problems~

Relationships --- Love.
What is LOVE? Just L-O-V-E?
To Me, it needs something, which is FATE.

F-A-T-E!
Fate, coincidence, whatever you want to call it, is something I think linked to randomness—it ONLY made sense that certain events would coincide once in awhile, in a pattern that seemed it had to be contrived.

But I never never believe there were other forces at work, in company, I only believed in the fact paths were bound to cross between people and events.

But what I had seen and done these last days were too specific for me, too many and too large, to be passed off, even by me, as a random occurrence. When faced with such glaring instances, how could I help but feel it was time to adjust my world view, to accept the possibility there was more at hand than what I thought?

I had so many instances of seemingly perfect clarity, moments when time seemed to slow down. It was as if not only were these events designed to happen, but the universe, or some omnipotent force wanted me to see them for all they were, wanted me to take notice.

Betrayal and lost directions occurred often in the company. That was something I learned while still in pursuit of my dreams, and is something I learned to expect and deal with. I learned procedures for ensuring the effect was minimal, from setting goals carefully, to confirming what I was doing was with the correct method.

These events occurred at random—busy uplines, scheming bastards & bitches, not enough time were the norm, and these factors nearly guaranteed someone´s dreams would end up in someone else´s money pocket upon occasion.

All of that had to occur, just to get me inside that temple. It was too much for me to be able to consider it random.

The fact it wasn´t easily passed off as a random occurrence made it easier to accept what had happened inside that temple.

After all, something had led me there, something had arranged for these events to occur in just such a pattern so as to make me be there, to allow me to see, and to accept, what I saw.

It was a heady concept that fit right into the conversation we had had the other day, although I couldn´t recall if it was something ayah had said as I was drifting off, or something from a dream; something my subconscious dreamed up to once again dance dangerously close to that issue.

The next move was mine to decide. But I needed to know; had I dreamed it, and was the idea in that familiar holding pattern, waiting for me to move away so it could come closer? Or was it moving toward me, and make me come to the issue, at the same time, as I had only managed to say briefly, a painfully few number of times?

It sounded so much like something ayah would say, it was hard for me to know if he actually said it. But it was profound in its own right, wherever the thought came from.

And I could see, only too clearly, exactly what he meant.

In addition, not only ayah, mr simon as well. xiangyang also.

Everything that had happened, the seemingly random consequences of minor coincidence combined with the choices I had made, both consciously and automatically, had led me to a point where I was tired from the whole thing, discussing it with him on the phone. And if all of this hadn´t occurred, we would never have had this conversation.

Without that conversation, he may never have shared his theory about all choices, all paths, leading to one point.

But maybe that, too, had happened for a reason. Maybe I would have just taken the obvious slant to his words, not reading that willingness for more, not wanting to see it for what it was.

Maybe I needed to hear it, and have time for my brain to chew on it awhile, before I would be ready.

Who was I to argue with fate? I didn´t want to, and I felt as if I had been holding my breath for years now, just waiting for a moment, an opportunity, such as this.

Deciding I was going to go along with the chance fate had presented me with was the easy part; it was the execution of my decision I had the problem with.

Perhaps if I had come to this conclusion earlier, it would have been easy to just stand on one side, and without the difficulty of a transition, which is what I was now faced with.

Now, I had to be the one to be brave, to take a step forward, to make the next move. I wasn´t able to float along with his decisions, my only choice made to follow along. It was unlikely, as this was a decision I had essentially made years ago, I just never had the courage to act on it.

I couldn´t know what choices made had led me here, but every one of them, every one that mattered, I finally felt sure they were the right ones