i had been trying to avoid this all along, hoping and praying that it doesn't and won't happen.
or at least, before it happens, let me change myself, to be stronger.

kind of upsetting when i am being forced to face it.

sad to say, i dunno who are my friends and who are my foes.

in the past, i had friends whom i truly felt as sisters and brothers. we were as close as how a toothbrush would go with toothpaste. simply cant do without each other.

even though i have lost them over certain incidents, i thought i would have found another group of friends which gave me similar feelings.

sad to say, no. i didn't.
i once thought i had, and was even elated that i had found better ones. to think, no. it was jus an illusion. a smokescreen. HA.

important lesson that i had learnt today:
at one point in your life, you have either used someone, or had been taken advantage of.

well, each person will have his/her own answers to this question. jerome told me, in his mind, it all boils down to fear. fear is the ultimate negative motivator. people who use others are afraid that if they don't they'll be losing out on a golden opportunity to "gain" something for nothing, whatever it is they are using for. it could be sex, money, friendship, or so many other things. they are just afraid that they can't get these things any other way.

suitably, some people have a bad habit of hurting other people and making fun of others. that is plainly out of pride and vanity. they probably want to make themselves important by putting others down and commenting on other's looks. a person who makes such negative comments is Him himself very weak and insecure, therefore he tries to create self-confidence by hurting others, which is wrong. you can never create confidence by hurting others or putting others down. God is in everyone.

most people are superficial and jealous of each other. they may pretend to like you but inside they are really jealous of you. they do not like to see other people ahead of them. they are rajsik. sometimes people speak very nicely to someone in their presence, but as soon as that person leaves the room they start criticizing their clothes, behavior, and appearance.

and it did set me thinking.

ever since the year2008 began, it had been like this. but at the same thing, i always have a '军师' to help me out, giving me opinions and directions.

at the present, at this instant, i have to agree the closing statement that jerome told me. 'it doesn't matter if i am being left alone, as i am alone in the first place.'

people making use of you in order for them to get what they want. perhaps its normal. as what mr Ralph Waldo Emerson says: "Every man I meet is in some way my superior."



i super hate the feeling of constantly being made use of.