i thought it would be better working with people that you are comfortable with. or at least people whom you chose to be with. but then, i was wrong. perhaps my expectations were too high. i thought we could achieve more. i thought we had the same thinking. i thought i thought i thought... so it was all part of my wishful thinking.
or perhaps, things won't be like this if it weren't for the MR tb. bought the 4th edition MR text from VINCENT and he didnt say that it was not the latest one. and true enough when PAT went through the hints for exam, you could see the whole lot of us panicking. SIEWXIAN, EDMUND, LOGAN had also photocopied the text from me. at that instant, i felt as though i had let them down. i trusted the wrong person. the original tb costs $52, second-hand tb is $30, photocopied text is $14. and now, if we were to photocopy the tb, it would be $25. i really dunno how to face them. i guess, thats was the first trigger to whatever that had happened.
continued with the project meeting after lecture. everyone was doing their own things. the thing is, we have not come up with the list of things that we need to complete at all. no one seems to be bothered. but thankfully, i am not alone. LOGAN was at the same line that i was. both of us started cracking for MR part A. after repeated attempts to bring the team to a same point, we finally got started together. shortly, we stopped for dinner and supposedly to continue after which. by then, it was already 7pm. everyone was restless. but our target was not met. with half-hearted minds, most were in stoning. i called for a halt, but they chose to continue.
the standard of work dipped. so who was to blame? me. cuz i expected too much. i was disappointed at that time. speechless. everyone didnt talk much on the way out. LOGAN sent me home. and comforted me during the journey. felt slightly better upon reaching home. but still..
i reckon that i was too serious at work. i wanted to finish it fast and good. the rest seemed to want to take it easy. no one will ever understand. felt as though i had lost everything due to my seriousness.
thanks VICTOR for being there when i needed a listening ear. Crying had certainly washed away most of the disappointment.
withdrawal shall be the next route out.