after a long day of work, i naively thought that the day will just end it here, ended with a movie. or the most surprising part of today could be jez's friend joining us for late lunch or even accompany him to G2000 to buy his shirt when we are working.

人算不如天算。

alright. i dun lie. i cried. cried bitterly. ever since the last PSC, i told myself, i would never shed a tear again. i would not be that emotional girl again.

its not that she hates me. or whatever. she is just stating a fact, which is ringing in my ears every now and then.

'...we are together because of you...and today we become like this because of your call...'

its a fact.
its also the truth.
its as well the reality.

over a period of 3hours, i had unleashed all the accumulated sorrows and bitterness in me, just by crying.

yet, i am not the main character of the incident.
at the thought of her, guiltyness had got into me.

if only...
how i wish i could just ended it with a dot.
ended with a bye...
ended it with a death...

Yes I know, suicide is never the answer. Or is it.


sorry is all i can ever say to you now...



much thanks to the angels that had been there at this time.
sengkiat- was the first one who msn-ed me when the incident happened. at that moment, he seemed to be sent to me by heaven, when i have no idea who can i find to confide in. he had been replying fast when he realised that i was even thinking of contemplating suicide. sorry baobei, let you worry ler.
darren - had been trying to talk me out of my emotional and senseless mindset.
reena- giving me support and hugs though she was studying for sch.
jarrel - called me to adjust my mindset.

slept in a better state of mind, after realising that..everything happens for a reason.
it includes...making me feel better...

after me and jarrel hang up phone, mr rick's song was playing on air. everyone is number 1. his words all appeared in my mind. reminding me, i am not supposed to be feeling like this.




my mummy, where are you???
is it that i have been disobedient which led you to leave me alone? is it because that i have no results which led you to be disappointed and left me?